dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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