a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize