You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Randomize
