Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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