thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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