oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
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so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
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Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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