Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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