Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I use my feet as sexual weapons
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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