I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
we're making bets on your personal life
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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