if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
