just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
