my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
