so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
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Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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