what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
