I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
