Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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