Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
