i think my mom watched the whole time
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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