She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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