what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
