i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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