I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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