Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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