he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
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He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
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the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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