Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
