Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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