Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
so explain again why im purple
no
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
