i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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