toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
