Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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