i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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