Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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