Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
