Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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