I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Randomize
