Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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