What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize