oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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