the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
