we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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