God gave him joint rollers for hands
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
