I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
