guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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