if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
