just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
