I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
