So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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