Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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