Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
