First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
