On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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