Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
God, I missed his penis.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
