I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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