At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
