There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
