the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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