he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
