Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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