why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
My pussy is not your playground.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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