So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
