wat bout pragnant strippers??
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
