i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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