So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
