just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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