I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
