So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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