Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Did you pee in the oven last night??
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
