Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
