allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just invented taco cereal.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
